Anchors

My friend J has a theory that certain people in our lives act as anchors--no, not that they weigh us down. Rather, these are the people that we connect with so effortlessly, people who help us find our true selves, people who bring us back to ourselves when we run astray/aground. These are the people who remain important to us, even though the distances of time and space may seem overwhelming. It's more like these people are the little bit of weight that keeps a kite from flying off and out of control .... We still get to fly, but they keep us grounded (in a good way) and tethered to home.

For me, Sandy was an anchor. So are CL, J, SKS, Caroline, Dottie, DO, Sinden, DMJ.

Thank you to all my Anchors. I wouldn't still be here without you. I only hope I can return the favor.

Synchronicities on Friendship and Women

I am currently reading a book called Snow Flower and the Secret Fan. It's about 2 girls who are contracted to become best friends back in the days when women had their feet bound in China. It was given to me by my own "laotong" (old same) lifelong friend, J. ;-)

Last week, I was reading this passage :

• "... a laotong relationship is made by choice. While it's true that Snow Flower and I didn't mean all the words we'd written to each other in the contract through the fan, when we first looked into each other's eyes ... I felt something special pass between us--like a spark to start a fire or a sees to grow rice. But a single spark is not enough to warm a room nor is a single seed enough to grow a fruitful crop. Deep love--true heart-love--must grow. Back then I didn't yet understand the burning kind of love, so instead I thought about the rice paddies I used to see on my daily walks down to the river with my brother when I still had all my milk teeth. Maybe I could make our love grow like a farmer made his crop grow--through hard work, unwavering will, and the blessings of nature. How funny that I can remember that even now! Waaa! I knew so little about life, but I knew enough to think like a farmer.
• So as a girl, I prepared my earth-getting a piece pf paper from Baba or asking Elder Sister for a tiny scrap of her dowry cloth--on which to plant. My seeds were the nu shu characters I composed. Madame Wang (the matchmaker) became my irrigation ditch. When she stopped by to see how my feet were progressing, I gave her my missive--in the form of a letter, a piece of weaving, or an embroidered handkerchief--and she delivered it to Snow Flower.
• Nothing can grow without the sun--the one thing completely outside the farmer's control. I came to believe that Snow Flower filled that role. For me, sunshine came in the form of her answers to my nu shu letter. When I received something from Snow Flower, all of us gathered to decipher the meaning, for she already used words and images that challenged Aunt's knowledge." (p.60)

At the same time I was reading this passage, a song came on Public Radio's Prairie Home Companion. The Flower Duet from the Lakme opera. This song synonymous with friendships between women ... If memory serves me, this song is usually sung as a duet between Lakme and her servant (and friend) Malika ...




It's times like this I know I'm in the right place at the right time, doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm so glad I can take time out to notice these synchronicities when they happen. It also makes me wonder how many I miss!

Recipes - More than Food!

I was looking through my recipe box this weekend. I don't cook very often anymore--my husband is the chef at our house, and I try to stay out of his way in the kitchen.

It seemed with many of the tired, warn, food-stained cards, I would get "warm fuzzies" as I remembered the time, the place, laughter, friendships, and even a few regrets over these recipes. And I realized that Food is much more than sustenance to me.

One in particular was written in the script of a dear friend, now gone : Sandy's Lentil-Bulger Salad.

I've never been able to do right by bulger (and everyone says it's so easy!), so I don't get dish very often these days. It was a rare treat to see her hand-writing alive and well in among my recipes. Even after 6 years, I still miss her and think of her often. Sigh!


Summit Ave. Coop, early 1990s (pre-restoration)

A few years ago, I was craving a certain Chocolate Zuchinni Cake that Kelly McVittie used to make at Summit Ave Coop, where we lived with 17 other people in Madison, WI. I hadn't taken the recipe with me, because I knew it would always be there at the Coop. You see, I had started a blank book entitled "Favorite Recipes of Summit Coop." It was the ugliest blank book with a teddy bear on the the cover : Hello Kitty Cute. (There was a reason for that : If it was cute and ugly, it would be less likely to be stolen, right?) New Coop Cooks needed some help and guidance in preparing a meal for 18 people. The purpose of the cookbook was to help with proper proportions for this size crowd, and recipes that seemed to please the house members and stayed within the $26 per meal budget guidelines. I knew Kelly's recipe would still be in that homegrown cookbook. So I called the house and asked for the recipe ... To my horror, the poor soul who answered the phone said that the House Cookbook had disappeared, probably the result of a hate crime against one of the remaining members : A former house member was trying to get back at another house mate for whatever reason ... It was gone. Those recipes were GONE!

Even though I haven't lived at Summit Coop since 1998, I felt violated, too. I started that cookbook. It belonged to me as much as to every other member of the House. It was full of Summit lore and culture built up over the years. Recipes that I knew and loved gone down the memory hole as people moved on and moved out of Summit. Fortunately, I still have many of those recipes from people I met at the Coop ...

Mr. Wang's Stir Fry #1 and #2
Mr. Qu's Kung Pao Chicken
Danielle's Korma
Anything by LeeAnne or Linda Kinney
Sinden's Souffle
Susan's Curried Carrots with Raisin & Lentils
Susan's Greek Garlic Soup
Susan's Rhubarb Crisp
Ling's Spicy Eggplant
Wei Ching's Winter Ginger Chicken Soup
Duane's Burrito Pie
Miriam's Great Aunt Catherine's Pumpkin Pecan Pie

Not all my recipes have ties to Summit. There was life and food before Summit (BS) : The comfort foods of eggs and milk ...

Gramma Matucheski's Egg Nog (There was never a written recipe for this. And my mom who is Director of Public Health in her county would have a heart attack if she knew I still ate raw eggs in this recipe ... She's investigated enough food poisonings cases to require me to cook the eggs.)

Heidi's Gramma's Bread Pudding brings back memories of Monday nights at Heidi and Beth's apartment where we'd watch Northern Exposure every week.

Another curious thing about my recipes is that they usually have a name attached to them. I used to file them according to the person who gave me the recipe. For example, "Susan's Rhubarb Crisp" would file under S. This system made perfect sense to me because they were all much more than recipes to me : They were memories! But this system never worked for my husband, so now, we file them under the food name, not by the maker. For example, "Susan's Rhubarb Crisp" is now filed under "R" for "Rhubarb Crisp." Although, we tend to use it more for Apple Crisp, so it could as also be found under "A" for Apple Crisp. (The organization of information is an art, not a science.)

Makes me wonder if some of the recipes I made at the Coop were remembered so fondly by other members? Refried Beans for tacos/burritoes, black bean soup, crab puffs ...